Is that kid not the coolest most adorable 2-year-old alive? I wish this was my kid. I would take him on a bar tour of North America and watch him do his magic on unsuspecting greaseballs for big money. The upside is, no one is going to beat up a little kid, and I'd already be out the back door with the car running before the eightball dropped.
Also, I ran across a blog called "Fuck Yeah Puppies" and call me a pussy, but you are a gaping asshole if puppies can't cheer you up. I'd rather surgically remove my own eyeballs with a coffee spoon than see these puppies in pain or uncomfortable in any way.
Finally, this robber's mask is so uncreative it's amazing. A fucking Bud Light box!
In the academy every cop is taught the first rule of apprehending a runner. A good face kicking establishes the tone that will dictate the duration of the arrest and shows the perp who is in charge. Compliance with this guideline will earn the law enforcement official a high-five from a colleague.
This second one is an excellent clip show of people getting hit in the head with large balls. I am 25 years old somehow.
This is now a baseball blog. Oldstyle Baseball. Crowbar and his computer music can go fuck off...just joking. There are much better blogs to visit if you want to read about baseball, go to Drunk Jays Fans. Anyway, I've been sick for the past two days and other than watching Law and Order, Without a Trace and Unsolved Mysteries (holy fuck do those shows suck) I have been reading a very entertaining book called Moneyball, written by Michael Lewis. The book is about the "revolutionary" new way of scouting baseball players that general manager Billy Beane implemented with the cheap as fuck Oakland Athletics. Looking past some of the problems that come up in hindsight with some of Beane's player choices (he loved Russ Adams!), the book is interesting because of some of the hilarious characters behind the scenes in baseball. One of those characters is Beane himself who current Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi praises for his kitty-punching ability in the minors by stating "he could talk a dog off a meat wagon." Bill James, who almost single-handedly changed the way smart baseball people look at the game's insane amount of stats, compares overrated baseball players to pretty girls: "Pretty girls tend to become insufferable because being pretty, their faults are too much tolerated." Awesome, but if you don't get how that relates I don't have enough room to explain. James also came up with this insanely rational formula: Runs Created = (Total Bases * (Hits + Walks))/(Plate Appearances). Anyway, if you have even a casual interest in the sport, check out that book.
Also being sick I have re-visited some of my youtube favorites.
"Nails!" Lenny Dykstra is awesome even though he is an obvious douchebag. He was part of a shit show/unbelievable 1986 New York Mets world series winning team that collectively snorted more blow off stripper tit than even Satan himself would want to know about. Daryl Strawberry has a lot to say about it in his book.
i like to listen to french music, because the lyrics could be so gay that i could hate them if i had any idea what they were saying but alas, french wasn't a strong point for me, so there music always good down sweet.
this is great music video, i like to think its pretty much what he is, that's his shitty old car, that's his dog, and he just boots around singing to his songs on the tape deck, because that's what i did one summer, i played the harvest moon tape till it broke at one end, so i bought the cd. i saw him play earlier this year in toronto and it was pretty good. i heard a cool think about him, he made a album with heavy vocdor use (trans), and all the record ex's were pissed because it sounded fucked, but he did it because his autisic kid really responded to that digital voice more so than his natural voice.
I know this might be played but I can't believe I forgot about this poor asshole. Gorgeous George and his creepy friends had (still have?) a public access TV show in Richmond, Virginia and this video shows how poor George is savagely tormented by prank callers. Luckily George is king of the comebacks. My favorite: "You got crap in your mouth and semen, crap and semen in your mouth, why don't you crunch it down with some rice crispies and milk" (I am so stealing that).
George also has an awesome website that is a magnificent case study in self-delusion. His section called "Summary of Detractors" is particularly great, while his heart-breakingly poetic "Ode to Sue" is also a worth the read if you're looking to barf away a few minutes.
Of course Steve McQueen is at the top of any list of movie badasses. He totally reminds me of myself except for the whole "screen magic" thing that seems to be so important.
Harvey Keitel on the other hand, is a very underrated movie badass. This scene has one of my favorite lines in it.
"Get me a Bud, a high boy. Make sure its fuckin' cold, I'll straighen this out."
off for a quick jaunt out east on an oldstyle vacation ripe with pilsner's, made some cds so maybe there is some decent music in them. here are a couple that i have been listening to as of late.
Until I viewed this video I was alright with living in a free society where one can do what they please, when they please, given that they don't impede upon the basic freedoms of others. However, I'm now thinking we should restrict freedom further because this song is restricting my basic freedoms of not having panic attacks and shitting blood in the middle of the workday.
Watched that one first thing in the morning which was a treat. From a solid list of CNN bloopers here
Is everything on Maury fake? I don't know cause I don't watch it but if this isn't fake, Maury is a fucking asshole. If someone is that afraid of pickles (I do realize that is beyond fucked up), then maybe don't have them go to a pickle factory, or confront them with trays of fucking pickles on national TV. That is what should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
I hate to use up so much space with videos in one day but today has been special. I haven't cried while supressing laughter in a while. This film actually exists. The fact that it is about a kid and some crazy looking pedophile bear is bad enough. Even worse is Eugene Levy's presence. But the capper is that at the end of the trailer Levy is buying "Compliments" brand toilet paper, which means that Canada is responsible for this mind raping spectacle. Judging by the trailer 80 percent of the film takes place in a grocery store.
Sometimes I'll be sitting around and think to myself, I could really use something going on that will both blow my mind and annoy the living shit out of me. This video fits perfectly into that little groove. It's a guy, playing Mario World while reciting John Stuart Mill's "On Liberty" essay at the same time. HAAAAA! And just to make it extra irritating, for some reason he says "SNES9X" every time he dies, and he fucking dies a lot. Watch this on drugs, I dare you. Or just see how long you can handle it period. If you can waste over a minute on this masterpiece of insanity I salute you.
edit-I realize that it is impossible for him to be doing the two things at once. He is reading over it, oops I'm a retard.
Times have been stressful now it is time to unwind with a bottle of V and by going to Decadence tonight. Holy fuck allstar line up Steve Aoki, Bloody Beetroots, Crookers, MSTRKRFT and more i suppose... well fuck its time to get the party started. CROOOOKERS!!!!
Was at the Jays home opener last night and for the second straight year fucking drunk mongoloid pieces of shit almost ruined the whole thing. What kind of people throw baseballs at the opposing team's outfielder? Guuuuhhhhh. Also, fucking shitbags need to consider that the half consumed beer they are throwing towards the field might find the back of an old lady's head or a little kid. If this was Awesomeistan and I was Ayatollah or whatever it would be great to have these guys hanged right on the field.
Unless you have no internet or have your head jammed up your ass, you have probably seen the trailer for Spike Jonze's adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. Now someone has gone and made a trailer for the kids book Everyone Poops and its pretty great.
Oh yeah and "Name of the Year" is a pretty awesome NCAA bracket spoof voting on the stupidest names out there. Apparently they are real names...one of my favorites is Crystal Metheny. That girl has gotta be a stripper, right?
Haven’t been feeling music lately or been listening too much, I have about 75 new ones queued up so, something should come of that. However, I have been back on the wire since getting season 4. I have the whole run of it now so if you don’t feel like shelpin out 250 bones for the DVD’s email me or something and something can be arranged. This video is great. If I am watching TV on the weekend and breakfast club comes on I end up watching wither or not something is better on, or I have something to do. Also duckie from 16 candles is the nerdy brother on two and half men if that slipped past anyone’s radar, I am sure it didn’t, because that is a great show. I wish foot loose was on more often.
